Insecurities
by CUtopia
Summary: ... they're bound to be revealed as a relationship progresses.


Entry for the **Quidditch Fanfiction League Competition** , Season 6, Round 1 – Wigtown Wanderers vs Pride of Portree

 **Position:** Captain

 **Prompt:** Write a character you've never written before.

 **Word Count:** 1,740

 **Betas:** DinoDina, Aya Diefair

* * *

 **Insecurities**

Jacob Kowalski nervously walked up the stairs leading to Queenie and Tina Goldstein's apartment, his heart pumping with almost dizzying force. His fingers, which were slightly shaky, fiddled with his hat and a big, colourful bouquet of roses, only halting for a short moment to straighten his thin black tie. His hair was on point, his beard neatly trimmed, his best suit was ironed and starched – all that made for a respectable and immaculate appearance, especially for a man who was on his way to a dinner date at a lady's place.

The nervosity was still his constant companion on such evenings, even though he'd always been on his best behaviour and had never received even the faintest negative reaction from Queenie since he'd started to court her after the beautiful day she'd suddenly showed up in his bakery. Jacob could remember this day as if it had been yesterday, seeing her soft, slightly playful smile right in front of him and almost feeling the warm sensation of recognition, a familiarity that had rushed through him again. And there, between his excellent pastries and breads, he'd started to recall the fantastic adventure he'd been involved in, and why this beautiful, elegant woman seemed to know to him despite her having just wandered into his bakery.

That had been almost half a year ago, but he still caught himself wondering what Queenie wanted with a man like him from time to time. He'd only just started a tiny business, investing most of his time in his bakery to answer the demand, he neither was very attractive or particularly interesting in his own eyes…

And yet here he was again, gently knocking on the door while wondering if the flowers were beautiful enough, if his appearance was acceptable, and if today would be the day Queenie realised that she could have someone way better. A wealthy wizard, maybe, someone who wasn't covered in flour for the better part of the day and was horribly ordinary through and through.

Straightening his back upon hearing soft footsteps on the other side of the oak door, he tried to brush these thoughts off, not wanting to let them ruin the sparse time he had with Queenie. She deserved his undivided attention, everything he could give her, and he definitely didn't want to bother her with his insecurities.

A smile plastered on his face – which turned slightly goofy when she opened the door – he raised the flowers and said happily: "Good evening, my love."

"Hello darling," Queenie replied, her usual soft, slightly enigmatic smile on her lips, but Jacob felt like it wasn't quite as carefree as usual. There seemed to be something under the surface; however, he couldn't put his finger on it and so he decided to act normal, holding out the flowers to her.

"These are for you, Miss Queenie."

"Thank you, darling. They're beautiful." She took the flowers from him, her delicate fingers brushing over his, but she didn't linger like she usually did. "I know that you know roses are my favourite, darling. Come in. Oh, I did indeed make apple strudel for dessert."

Following her into the apartment, Jacob felt his cheeks start to glow slightly. Despite having gotten used to Queenie's Legilimency, it still was astonishing to witness it. But maybe that was just because he was a No-Maj, and reading minds was an ability that only appeared in fairy tales in his world.

"Your apple strudel is…"

"Better than yours? Darling no, please don't try to flatter me like this. You're the professional here."

When he'd slipped out of his coat, she hung it on the coat rack together with his hat, asking him to go into the kitchen already. A delicious smell wafted towards him upon stepping through the doorway; potatoes roasted in rosemary mingling with the scent of lamb and the sweetness of apples. It made Jacob's mouth water in anticipation; Queenie's cooking skills were absolutely excellent.

"Take a seat, darling. Do you want wine?"

"Yes, please," Jacob answered with a smile as he sat in his usual chair, watching how Queenie moved around the kitchen with light, elegant steps. His stomach growled embarrassingly loud when she placed a steaming bowl of potatoes in the middle of the neatly set table – he'd had no lunch today, apart from a bread roll he'd tasted to see if his new recipe was working.

"How was your day? Did the new recipe work out as you hoped?"

With a smooth flick of her wand, Queenie made two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine hover over to the table while she took a big roast from the oven. The bottle poured some of the ruby liquid into the glasses skillfully, as if it were a sommelier, and Jacob placed his napkin on his lap, too distracted by the food to notice the slight edge in her voice.

"Oh, I think I almost perfected it. I just need to try around with the herbs a little bit more. James is making himself a very valuable apprentice again and again. Oh, and today Mrs Bubaker came and wanted to talk about a large order for her daughter's wedding," he chattered casually, his face lighting up like always when he had the opportunity to talk about his work. Jacob really was a baker with heart and soul, and it made him incredibly happy that his dream of sharing his grandmother's recipes and making people happy with his pastries was coming true every single day.

"Mrs Bubaker, hm?" Queenie commented in a sharp tone, but Jacob simply thought that the lamb was difficult to cut and caused a struggle, not realising that his words were the reason for the subtle change of her attitude.

"Yes, she wants to order a three-tiered cake, five dozen of each of my pastry variations for the dessert and maybe even bread and bread rolls to go with the dinner at the reception. I never would have thought my first large order to be so big, let alone so well-paid. Mrs Bubaker offered a more than generous commission. Oh, I must apologise, I've rambled on about my day selfishly without asking about yours. Did you do something nice today?"

He smiled apologetically at her when she came over and set the plate with the lamb onto the table with a harsh thud, a gesture which made his smile falter. For the first time he realised that something was truly off, and he cursed himself for having been so clueless, blinded by the prospect of a nice evening with her. And there he'd been thinking that he was doing well.

"Oh, so you find her quite charming and enjoyed her company, darling?" Queenie said, her words more a statement than a question, and the dangerous edge in her voice seemed to sharpen even more. She wasn't the kind of woman to yell, get hysterical, or throw accusations around. No, her calmness was more threatening than anything else.

"Well, she's a good customer…"

Surely she didn't think…

"I saw the way you looked at her while you talked."

Jacob's eyes widened in surprise and confusion, and a second after he wondered how she could have an inkling of how he'd looked while talking to Mrs Bubaker, but of course he didn't even need to attempt to voice the question. "I wanted to bring you some lunch, because I know how quickly you forget to eat something at noon. And that's when I saw you with her!"

"But why are you reacting like this? She's a pleasant person. We had a nice conversation while arranging the details of the order, nothing more," Jacob asked, not ashamed to show how much his confusion had grown. "Wait… are you thinking I could be interested in her?"

A caught expression spread on Queenie's face before she got herself under control, shaking her head so hard that her blonde curls jumped around her. "No, I'm not."

"You are, I've never seen you react like this before," Jacob replied calmly, noticing how Queenie's cheeks started to turn pink and she chewed on her bottom lip sheepishly. "Why do you think that? You're… you're the best that has ever happened to me, Queenie. If anything, I'm the one who should be worried that you'll leave me for someone else, because I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you."

She shifted from one foot onto the other, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve while avoiding his eyes, then she glanced up, her long lashes fluttering. "I just thought… maybe you'll realise you might want someone normal, someone you can present to your family without having to lie…"

"Normal? You're perfectly normal, Queenie," Jacob argued, his voice soft, and he put his napkin away to stand up and round the table. Slipping his hand around hers, he gives her an encouraging smile, his stomach clenching slightly when he sees a vulnerability in her blue eyes that he'd never seen on her before. She'd always been so unwaveringly confident, and yet there she was, showing him that even she, who always knew what other people were thinking, had insecurities that could get too strong for her.

Knowing that she would be able to tell that he was telling her the truth, he said gently: "I love you just the way you are, my heart. And there's nothing and nobody in the world that could ever change that. I'm the most privileged man in the world for being allowed to court you, and I wouldn't throw that away for anything. I don't know why you chose me, but I hope I'll continue doing the right things."

Queenie squeezed his hand lightly and returned his smile, her face lighting up slowly but surely, as though a wave of sincerity was hitting her. "You're a wonderful man, darling. The most wonderful man I ever met, and I'm the one you want, even though we come from different worlds. Oh, that's sweet of you."

Jacob blushed slightly and Queenie wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her chin on his shoulder.

In this moment, they silently agreed to put all their insecurities to rest together, and they both knew that this would bring them even closer, because they'd been able to show their vulnerability and worries to each other.


End file.
